Top 25 Remakes
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Published on Saturday, 11 June 2011 20:00
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Written by Will
Today I have been requested to tackle the subjects of remakes. I could take the easy way out and simply provide a list of 25 Asian remakes that suck, but, that would be too easy. Instead I have decided to play devils advocate and provide you with 13 good remakes and twelve of the worst. I have tried to stay off the beaten path to a certain extent, looking at some films that are not the usual suspects when discussing the remake issue.
My opinion by and large is that remakes are really superfluous and unnecessary pieces of film. I will grant you that occasionally they serve a purpose, for instance, if they are able to expose a new generation to a classic story by updating it with characters that are more appealing to a contemporary audience. Often the end result can be a good thing if these same people become curious about the source and hunt it down for comparison.
As with yesterdays list I will name the films and then provide you with a capsule reason why I feel that way, let's go ahead and start with the 13 good remakes.
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Lord of the Flies- The 1963 original is superior of course but Director Harry Hook still managed to retain the feel while delivering a slicker version visually.
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Funny Games- You can't really claim that Haneke fucked up his own film. This is the most unique remake of the bunch because both versions were filmed by the same guy. Take your pick; I personally think Naomi Watts can do no wrong so I have to admit I actually liked his remake better.
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Quarantine- Oh how I wanted to hate this movie! [REC] was so fucking good and Whorywood is so fucking slimy I wanted desperately to hate the remake, but it was very well made even if it was a shot by shot copy.
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Dawn of the Dead- Sarah Polley, fast zombies, and its own story took this remake into the realm of the stand alone.
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The Blob- Sure there is no Steve McQueen on hand but Kevin Dillon does a rather admirable job considering the enormous shoes he is trying to fill.
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King Kong- I love Fay Wray, and Jessica Lange amped the heat even farther, but Peter Jackson's love of the source bubbled out of every frame of this beautiful remake. Plus if you refer back to number two you will see that Naomi Watts is infallible to me.
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Night of the Living Dead- Savini took George's masterpiece and reshot it with a new improved Barbara (Patricia Tallman) that kicked the film into today.
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Carrie- Depalma's is the king (no pun intended) but Angela Bettis is so good in the role of Carrie White she makes you momentarily forget about Sissy.
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Nosferatu- Murnau's is without a doubt probably the greatest of the silent horror films, but Klaus Kinski in Werner Herzog's remake redefines the character.
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Cape Fear- No one will ever hold a candle to Mitchum's "Max", but if anyone can give it the old college try it is Robert DeNiro.
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Cat People- This one is great example of a master filmmaker tackling a master filmmaker and delivering a product almost as good as the original. Plus naked Natassja Kinski!
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The Thing- The '51 version is still effective to this day and so is Carpenter's remake!
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The Devil In Miss Jones- There will never be another Georgina Spelvin but Savanna Samson tries her best to make you forget. Most porn is throwaway but this title has stood up twice!
Now let's have a quick look at twelve titles nobody is going to miss!
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Day of the Dead- Could someone please explain to me just exactly what this film was trying to accomplish?
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The Omen- this one was so forgettable I can't even remember why I disliked it, Mia Farrow was good though!
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Pulse- I had to have a least one Asian film that was gutted by a clueless Whorywood on this list and this is my pick.
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I am Legend- No one has ever gotten Matheson's source story right yet. This version sucked the hardest though!
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The Fog- I love Selma Blair but this anemic attempt to outdo Carpenter's original actually made me physically ill it was so poor.
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The Haunting- You just don't try to outdo the best ghost story ever filmed. Put the Shirley Jackson down and step away please, there must be a bus that contains a woodenhead you can play with around here somewhere.
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House of Wax- despite enjoying the Paris pipe in the head, this movie blows dead goats!
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Planet of the Apes- I can't even get started on the grocery list of reasons why this movie sucks.
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When a Stranger Calls- If you liked this movie, just stop reading right now and go reassess your life please!
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Vanilla Sky- brilliant Spanish language masterpiece is turned into risky business and falls on its pretty face.
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Last House on the Left- the girl lives?
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Salem's Lot- Hooper nailed it first time around and so did David Soul, someone please tell Rob Lowe to go home!
25 titles of unnecessary but apparently unavoidable makeovers please chime in and tell me what I missed and what I got right.
