The Man of Steel predicted it and Lo, it hath come to pass-We are all of us living in Bizarro World
, the six and three score to the nth dimension where Superman was crippled first by Kryptonite then by a deranged horse and, finally, reduced to compost heap while John McClane shaved his head, John Rambo became Jason Voorhees, Jason Voorhees became Paul Bunyan and Batman became a Dark knight
who embraced the Patriot Act and voted for Two-Face.
Comic book fans slit their wrists on ash cans while a Hawaiian Calvinist
took over what was left of America, swigging Bus(c)h Lite while Mecha-Berg bankrupted Gotham.
Bizarro World is a titillating place to play in some days. A high-end immigrant call girl
proved to be the most literate writer on the New York Post
pay roll and the greatest advice columnist since Dr. Ruth. A confused guido-lovin' teenager spent the minimum stint in prison for putting a bullet in the head of a put-upon Long Island housewife, then emerged as a Media Award-winning journalist for the Long Island Press
. The Long Island Press later devolved from a meaty alternative weekly rife with columns, culture, critiques and multiple myth-shattering exposes on corruption & crime, into a virtually news-free Right wing clipper rag loaded with cheap advertising and cheaper current affairs capsules. And Andrea Peyser
killed Jimmy Breslin and now spits out his bone marrow in serpentine sonnets about celebutards.
, in its usual fashion of grotesque sensationalism, reported on a Spanish publicist who stabbed a woman in the head with eight different knives, bashed her brains in and disemboweled her, before fleeing the scene and calling his padre. If we believe the Post
and take the rubber band standard of G.I. Joe action figure anatomy as accurate, the victim's intestines were oozing out of her belly when police arrived at the scene and, yet, the cops were able to ask her if she could unlock the door and get a "Nope" out of her. Nope! Sorry!
An old neighbor said she knew this would happen (yet never intervened or bothered to tell anybody), saying she could tell the P.R. PR was a killer because she saw the evil in his eyes.
You can tell a lot about a person by looking into their eyes. But eyes can also be deceiving. After all that very same insanity was and is behind a gooey layer of alligator tears in George W. Bush's peepers and John Boehner's too.
Villains are big in the comic sphere, but everything is on its head in Bizarro World. Big Daddy
is a bibber who beats his wife in public. Hit Girl is a saucier incarnation of the Jon Bonet Ramsay Syndrome. The Bastion of Hope who succeeded the Bushies is bad at the multiplication table and the Billionaire
who regulates the Big Apple melting pot is a brow-beating ethnocentric who pities potato eaters as much as he outright loathes "the Injuns."
On any given day smoke
is considered wrong, unless it is taxed or comes from a factory duct, celebrities are found guilty of the same shenanigans politicians are excused of, rock stars protest government monopolization while sleeping with Clear Channel
, the Administration calls for more secrecy
while the President sends Tweets from his Blackberry, Madonna impersonates British Royalty and decries Lady Gaga
for impersonating Madonna, the public bemoans a prime timse heavy hitter (Sheen) for his excesses while praising the past excesses of a
narcissistic wash-up (Lowe), an alien rehash that bashes the US and the UK (Paul
) is declared brilliant and hilarious while a progressive cartoon about environmental preservation (Rango
) is left to die on the vine, and a no-talent blob of aerosol and imbecility (Snooki) is considered a National treasure while the sexy & talented (Lindsay Lohan) can't get bonded to be in a movie because she took swag from a press-starved jeweler instead of swiping cheaper goods from a department store (see: Kim Basinger, Winona Ryder).
Ten corpses have been recovered from New York's beaches and not one of them belongs to a Reality TV "star." The owner of Newsweek dies but Rupert Murdoch does not. Kevin Smith is retiring from filmmaking but Uwe Boll is not. Condoleeza Rice is guest-starring on 30 Rock while Jon Cryer hopes to collect Unemployment. And nobody wants to see Lindsay Lohan play Linda Lovelace in a biopic, but they're already programming their TiVos for the premiere of Mob Wives.
"I have forsaken what is right for what is easy."--Carmela Soprano